Double Sunrise Young Women's Health: early teen to college years

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Limits with Love

"Middle school girls themselves widely endorse 'love and limits' as the best child-rearing approach for raising daughters who will grow up to like themselves" concludes a current research project done by Erkut, Marx, Fields and Sing Raising Confident and Competent Girls, 1998. Girls in this study advise parents to:

  • Give her freedom, but not too much
  • Trust her to go out, but adhere to the curfew
  • Watch her closely. but not all the time

Tips for Limits With Love:
Monitoring your daughter in a consistent manner will provide a safe environment for her to experience adolescence. This includes:

  • Receiving a description of where she's going, what she'll be doing, as well as who she'll be with.
  • Negotiating what she'll do, and what she won't do.
  • Holding her to all agreements.
  • Networking with other parents of her friends, and conferring with them regarding the girls' plans on a regular basis.

If there is any break in agreement, carry through natural (appropriate to the situation) consequences, and let her have another chance in the near future.

Keeping connected in order to grow

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